Why is it that sometimes you get what looks good on paper… but it doesn’t FEEL as good in your life?

Could your ultimate career, business, relationship, or dream be here now and you don’t even know it?

The following discusses answers to these questions, helping you get clear on the ESSENCE of what you want… so you can recognize it when it comes, relax into the creation process, and take different inspired actions to create different results!

P.S. Prefer to listen? Check out Episode 90 of the Bright Life Podcast: Getting Clear on the Essence of What You Want.

How to Get Clear on What You Want & Release How It Comes

To help flesh out this concept, below is an excerpt from my book, Your Bright Life: Get Clear on What You Want, Overcome Self-Doubt, and Bring Your Dreams to Life. There is a chapter dedicated to the concept of detachment and surrender; in it, we talk about one way to do that by getting clear of the ESSENCE of what you want so you can relax around HOW it comes or what it LOOKS like.

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In my early twenties, I had a pattern of dating guys who looked good on paper but didn’t make me feel the way I wanted to in a relationship. I kept going for the overly-pedigreed smooth talkers, or the loud, funny, but slightly smarmy types who caught all the attention in the room… but knew it. I didn’t feel particularly special around them. I didn’t feel particularly cared for. So I decided to change things up.

I got clear on what my dream relationship would feel like instead of sound like. I let go of what I thought I was attracted to, what background I thought I needed, and any of the other superficial things that sometimes drew me in. I imagined the feeling of a best-friend kind of love—someone whom I could talk with for hours, whom I was attracted to physically but also emotionally, whom I could trust to be loyal, who made me feel loved and safe and matched in ambition.

I signed up for an online dating website and began going on dates with people, regardless of them being my type or not on paper. I decided to trust my gut instincts.

On one date, I met a guy whom I talked with for hours, until the restaurant closed its doors and began tidying up around us. I felt a sense of calm and kindness around him. He didn’t have the fancy degree that I thought was essential, but that’s because he was busy building his very own company, with an ambition that matched or even outpaced mine.

He ended up becoming the man I married, and to this day, he is that best friend kind of love. He is still the one I can talk to for hours. He is still one of the kindest, most generous, warm-hearted people I’ve ever known. He’s the kind of person who always notices when someone is standing slightly outside a circle of people, opening his stance so they can come in. I never have to question his loyalty; we have trust, communication, playfulness, love, and connection. He is the ESSENCE of what I want a relationship to feel like.

The lesson here is: instead of holding onto the way you imagine your dream has to come to you, get clear on the ESSENCE of it. How does it FEEL to be in your dream relationship, to walk into your dream home, or to build your dream business? What is the FEELING you are after?

In my first business and early relationships, I held so tightly to how I thought things had to LOOK that I almost completely overlooked how I wanted them to FEEL. Once I loosened up on the HOW, and leaned into the essence of WHAT I wanted, I was able to find it in the least expected places, people, and opportunities.

I challenge you to go back to FEELING as your guide. Whether it’s a relationship, house, business, career, or town… what does your dream FEEL like? What words would you use to describe it? If you couldn’t physically see it, how would you still know it when it arrived? 

You may find that it’s already here, and you almost didn’t recognize it.

Or you may find that it’s still on its way to you, and that’s okay, too.

But because you know how it feels, you can release the timeline and specifics, and instead be eager to see however it comes, knowing you’ll recognize it when it arrives by the feeling.

More to Support You in Your Brightest Life & Biz

✨ Discover Your Passion: This free workbook will help you uncover your passion and purpose—whether you’re looking for more joy or fulfillment, to reignite your spark, or to turn your passion into a business. Get instant access >

✨ Find Your Brilliant Business Idea: If you’ve ever wanted to start a business but had no idea where to begin, this free workbook will help you turn your experience and interests into a profitable business idea. Get started here >

✨ Read My Book, Your Bright Life: Feel encouraged, supported, and inspired as you get clear on what you want, overcome self-doubt, and bring your dreams to life. Get your copy >