Ew, jealousy! No one’s favorite emotion to feel… but the next time it creeps in, take a second look. Jealousy isn’t the green-headed monster that it’s thought to be. Jealousy can actually be one of your greatest teachers, messengers, and guides. Here’s why.
How to Deal with Jealousy
Executes Ideas Differently (Even Similar Ones)
My husband is an entrepreneur, and one of his greatest gifts is coming up with business ideas. He sees them everywhere and readily gives them away. I was so shocked the first time he threw an idea up on social media to anyone who wanted it.
“What if that’s a million-dollar business you’re giving away?!” I exclaimed.
He shrugged. “Anyone who takes it will do it completely differently than me or anyone else.”
He was onto something. There are millions of health coaches out there, but everyone has a slightly different message, brand, audience, and look. There are millions of business coaches, but I resonate with a few and not with others. There are millions of EVERYTHING and the way you run with an idea will be completely different than the way your sister, friend, or neighbor would.
We all bring different personalities, experiences, skills, backgrounds, passions, and stories to an idea. You can be given the exact same business plan as someone else, and you will still come up with a different business name, logo, brand colors, and message.
Also, a LOT of people have ideas. Execution is everything. FAR less people will show up consistently, day in and day out, struggling through the hard times, to pull something off.
So trust that, even if you have a similar passion as someone else, you are the ONLY one who can do things the way you would do them. And that’s everything.
Do You Want the Whole Experience?
I used to think about this when I started the digital nomad life. While it IS amazing, and I feel grateful every day for it being right for ME, sometimes I would chuckle imagining what others would think of the situations I found myself in. YES, there were the days of seeing epic World Wonders, eating tapas along the water in Barcelona, learning the tango in Argentina, and pinching myself that I could work out of a cafe in Paris.
But WITH that also came living life out of one carry-on suitcase. Selling all of my belongings, getting rid of my downtown apartment, and having NO official lease or home to my name. Scouring the internet for Airbnbs, some of which were as lovely as advertised, and some of which were crusty and dark and what I still had to live out of for weeks. Wearing the same few shirts every day for MONTHS due to said limited suitcase. Spending months without seeing friends and family, or even speaking the language of anyone nearby.
So another thing I try to remember with jealousy is… do you want the HIGHLIGHTS of someone’s experience, or do you REALLY want the WHOLE experience? Because you can’t have one without the other, and many of us don’t REALLY want the bad to get the good.
Same goes for entrepreneurship. YES, it can offer tremendous freedom and fulfillment. YES, I couldn’t imagine life any other way. YES, I am grateful for the opportunities it has given me to work from anywhere and see the world as my own boss. BUT… it took a LOT of hardship to get there. I went tens of thousands of dollars into credit card debt the first few years. I developed rashes from stress, worrying about how to pay off said debt, or how to feel comfortable on sales calls. I had to show up consistently on social media, baring my heart and some of my most private stories DAILY to strangers on the internet, in order to build a community and brand.
I once read an excerpt in Jay Shetty’s book, Think Like a Monk, where he heard one of his teachers comment that another monk had memorized an entire religious text. “I want to do that,” Shetty said. His teacher looked him in the eyes and replied, “Do you want the experience of SAYING you memorized the text, or do you really want the EXPERIENCE of memorizing the text?” Meaning, for days and years, reading and repeating the same text over and over again, and all the devotion that came with it.
So just remember, especially on highlight-driven social media, there are always TWO sides to every experience. Don’t let yourself feel jealous for the shiny moments if you don’t want the others that come with them (that often aren’t making the highlight reel). It’s not reality, so don’t torture yourself over it.
What Aren’t You Fully Expressing?
Lastly, I now get super curious when I feel jealousy creep in. Jealousy can be a compass pointing you to an area of life that you hadn’t realized you wanted, or were playing small in.
Now, whenever you feel a ping of jealousy and think, “She’s too __________…”
Reframe it to: “How can I be more __________?” (Insert the word you used above.)
So if you thought, “She’s too sexy,” you could reframe it to, “How can I be more sexy?” The jealousy could be pointing to something that you don’t allow yourself to embody but, on some level, desire to lean into more.
Or, if you think to yourself, “Must be nice to __________…”
Reframe it to: “How can I experience more __________?” (insert the phrase you used above)
For example, if you thought, “Must be nice to take Friday off,” reframe it to, “How can I take Friday off?” Or, “How can I take more time off for myself?” Maybe you plan a spa day or a monthly massage. Maybe you ask your partner to watch the kids for 30 minutes while you take a hot bath and read, all by yourself.
It’s scarcity mindset to think that someone having something means you can’t also have it. Or that someone having more means you get less. This is not a pie chart, ladies! There is no limit to the good things in life — to love, creativity, hope, passion, and even money. Have you noticed how every time you experience something positive like love, you feel MORE love? Every time you feel creative, you get more and more inspired.
So check your abundance mindset whenever you feel like another woman doing something means you can’t, too. Instead, see her as proof you CAN. Thank her for paving the WAY. Take her as proof that, energetically, you are getting close, because you are noticing this in your awareness. Take it as a mirror of what’s coming TO you.
I hope you now feel EXCITED to feel pangs of jealousy. To get curious about what they mean, what they’re pointing to, and what they could unlock as a next level for your life.
Would love hear what resonates — share with me on Instagram.
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